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Earthquake Sets Japan Back To 2147

EarthquakeJapanese government officials confirmed Monday that the damage wrought on Japan's national infrastructure by the July 16th earthquake—particularly on the country's protective force field, quantum teleportation system, zero-point fusion energy broadcasting grid, and psychodynamic communications network—was severe enough to set the technologically advanced island nation back approximately 300 years to a primitive mid-22nd-century state of existence.

The quake, which was centered in the bluefin tuna–cloning fields near the northwest city of Kashiwazaki, measured bb460.c22/k, or the rough equivalent of 6.8 on the less sophisticated Western Richter scale. It resulted in the first confirmed human or human-hybrid fatality in Japan in over 60 years, and more than 700 injuries. Citizens' protective exoskeletons reportedly remained operational through the first wave of seismic activity and three of the four aftershocks. According to first responders, injured exoskeletons were hastily repaired with antiquated third-generation nanotechnology, while subatomic robots were released into the bloodstream to fix any irregularity they could recognize.

Link & Image: The Onion
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